2nd Trimester my reality behind the “pregnancy glow”

This time I’m sharing a more blunt reality of pregnancy, the raw kind as a (medium-rare NY strip steak) so, if you are a little sensible, you might want to skip this one, I won’t be mad. We’re very used to see pregnant women with that glow, that everyone expects, such as hormones improving your hair, nails, your skin and everything we see on Instagram or any media channel; but the reality is, that is not always that way, sometimes pregnancy kicks our asses too, no matter how much you prayed to be pregnant and how blessed you feel to have been able to conceive.
During my first trimester, I was really depressed. I was crying daily non-stop, I didn’t move from my bed the first 12 weeks, I couldn’t stop vomiting, a lot of nausea, anxiety and I felt horrible with myself! Because as I mentioned before, I prayed so much for this baby girl, that I felt ungrateful to be carrying her. I felt lonely, and even though my husband would come home and take care of me, I was feeling so sad, that I just couldn’t shake that feeling away.

This time I’m sharing a more blunt reality of pregnancy, the raw kind as a (medium-rare NY strip steak) so, if you are a little sensible, you might want to skip this one, I won’t be mad. We’re very used to see pregnant women with that glow, that everyone expects, such as hormones improving your hair, nails, your skin and everything we see on Instagram or any media channel; but the reality is, that is not always that way, sometimes pregnancy kicks our asses too, no matter how much you prayed to be pregnant and how blessed you feel to have been able to conceive.
During my first trimester, I was really depressed. I was crying daily non-stop, I didn’t move from my bed the first 12 weeks, I couldn’t stop vomiting, a lot of nausea, anxiety and I felt horrible with myself! Because as I mentioned before, I prayed so much for this baby girl, that I felt ungrateful to be carrying her. I felt lonely, and even though my husband would come home and take care of me, I was feeling so sad, that I just couldn’t shake that feeling away.

It got to the point where I didn’t want to shower, so every day my husband would leave breakfast for me before going to work, he would come back and cook lunch while I vomited because of the smells, and at night he would literally get me in the tub and help me shower! I was so depressed I didn’t brush my hair in days until he would do it for me.

I have never experienced anything like this before, that sadness that roots in your heart and physically sickens you. When I’m sad I lose my appetite, this obviously made my nausea and vomiting worse. I was losing weight instead of gaining. They said nausea usually ceases after week 12, but I vomited until weeks 18-20 (5 months). Although I’m still on medication for nausea till today (9 months pregnant this week).

If you read my blog on my first trimester, then you’ll know I had a miscarriage a few years back. Therefore my heart didn’t wanted to get too attached to the baby in case anything would go sideways. So, I felt guilty of being sad! I thought I was being selfish thinking of all troubles I was going through at that moment. I also added more worries to what some women might consider “shallow thoughts”. I started worrying about the changes my body was about to experience, will I get stretched marks? How will my boobs look after this? My whole body? Will this affect my business? My plans? How was I going to manage my time once she was born? Will my marriage grow stronger, or would it weakens instead? Was I the only woman who thought these things? Everyone else seems so happy and eager to be pregnant.

I hated that I couldn’t feel the same way. I was supposed to be radiant! I should be bubbly and joyful, posting cute pictures of my process. I was worried about literally everything. The comfort I got from my family and close friends was directed to the baby, you can’t be crying so much the baby will feel that, you need to eat more the baby needs that, be glad you are pregnant, think about the baby instead of you. I was very upset, I even avoided talking to them. Does becoming a mom means you stopped being a woman? A human being? With her own needs and feelings? I don’t think so! I think when you become a mom, it’s an added role, no replacing the fact that you are also an individual apart from your child, yes your world change completely, you make yourself second in certain occasions, but I think we are not supposed to forget who we are, our dreams and desires just because you became a mom.

At the beginning of the year, I started feeling much better (welcome 2nd trimester) less nauseous and less hormonal, not crying as much! I was getting back to my normal self. I started working from a desk again instead of my bed, I cooked, and I was recovering my creativity (which got lost on my depression). I started therapy with a Psychologist. I was able to enjoy food again, started gaining weight very slowly and decided to leave behind some of my worries.
Yet, physically I noticed the normal changes, bigger and darker boobs, hairy belly, the linea negra, skin tags (wtf? Why do we start growing extra skin?) blood spots on my face, shoulders and chest, all my veins are popping out more of all the blood I’m pumping, and the worse of them all hemorrhoids! This has been a nightmare I already burst one, I almost run to the hospital like a headless chicken, before I realized I was bleeding from my butt! (I told this would be raw).
Yes! not a pretty picture of pregnancy but my reality nonetheless! During this 9 months, I have collected photos while I was crying and depressed, to remind myself how hard this has been on me, I wouldn’t mind sharing those pictures because for me it’s important to account for the hardships as well as the good memories when I was able to put on some makeup, do my hair and take some cute photos before my baby is born.

Before I go, I want to remind you that “The grass is not greener, they probably used a filter” I’m sharing this side of my pregnancy because I wanted to shine a light to what you don’t see behind my beautiful curated feed as well as other bloggers.
Also, remember if you have had a hard pregnancy, you’re not alone. It’s okay to have doubts, to question yourself and to cry as much as you need to, because yes the baby needs you healthy, but without the mom, there’s no baby. So, take care of yourself, find help, talk to friends, ask them to visit, to lift you up. And give yourself a chance to meet each other at the end of this season. Post-partum depression is well known, and you’ll easily find help to overcome it. But, prenatal depression is not as popular, yet it is very real! And we need to talk about it. So, fewer women would stop feeling judged, and guilty for going through it, and not enjoying their pregnancies as most women do!
I leave you with the remaining photos of this session we did with my husband back in February. I’m starting my week 36 tomorrow, meaning only a few more weeks before Emilia arrives. I’ll share with you the details of what I’m going through during this last trimester, like the fact that we’re moving to a new house the same weekend of my due date! (shhh is still a secret).

Comments(2)

  • Well, to me this is all part of the “glow” which isn’t necessarily feeling pretty but instead is the fact that pregnancy makes you become a more wholesome woman and it wakes up the wolf inside of you. Emília is almost here and you’re prepared. Embrace the rawness! ❤️

    Diana
    Reply
  • Luisa……. seriously…… I want to give you like the biggest warmest hug ever!!!!! I am telling you, you are so strong. After all this, you are still standing and you wrote about it bluntly. You and Sergio are the best. I’m glad you have each other. Really ❤️

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Start typing and press Enter to search

Shopping Cart

No products in the cart.